Breathing Is The Hardest Thing
by granular
Summary: He knew it wasn't helping anyone. So why did he keep on doing it? TurkAngst, JDA. Character death. Non-slash.


_**Breathing Is The Hardest Thing**_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise from Scrubs. Even the idea from this story came from someone else's…

'_Breathing is the hardest thing to do… With all that I've said and all that's dead for you, you lied- goodbye.' _ Interstate Love Song, Stone Temple Pilots

'Turk, please pick up the phone,' the answering machine pleaded. 'I know this is hard for you, buddy, but the board aren't pleased with your attendance… they want me to fire you, Chocolate Bear. Please turn up for your shift tomorrow. And if you want to talk about what happened with Carla, then…'

At the mention of Carla's name, the surgeon groaned and stuffed his fingers into his ears, but he couldn't quite drown out the next words emitting from the speaker.

'The miscarriage must have been hard on you both.' At that Turk tore the speaker from the wall, repeatedly stabbing the delete button. He couldn't cope with this, not now and not ever… which was why he was doing what he was doing. He knew it was stupid. He knew it wasn't really helping. But when Carla left, he'd tried to remove everything that reminded him of his wife and daughter from his life- and that included his insulin shots. Carla was the one who'd always reminded him to take them, the one who'd leave little post-its with loving messages on the insulin containers. Taking it just reminded him too much of her. He didn't think that he could carry on any more- she'd been his world for so long- hell, she still was, even if she didn't feel the same about him anymore. A beep from his pager startled him out of his musings and he brought the screen close to his face to read the message:

'_SCB, your shift starts in half an hour. Please be there. We need you.'_

There was no way Carla was ever going to come back to him if he didn't have a job… picking up the syringe, he prepared to inject himself, only to throw it down again in disgust and walk out of the door.

'Dude! You came!' his best friend happily exclaimed.

'Yeah, JD,' Turk said quietly. 'Yeah, I did.'

'You don't have any surgeries today… I thought it would probably be best if you know… eased yourself back into it… that OK? Chocolate Bear?' Turk was staring off into space, a vacant expression on his face.

'_That's IT Turk! I have had it up to here with you! You've not been supporting at all and you seem to put everyone else's needs before mine! I don't think you really give a crap about I feel at all- I wanted to have another baby with you to bring us closer together but I just feel like this whole thing has driven us further apart. I can't stand this anymore.' Turk felt a buzzing in his pocket and his phone began to ring. Fishing it out, he looked at the caller ID, as did Carla._

'_Oh, so it's JD. Well, go on then, answer it. He's obviously SO much more important to you than me or Izzie. You were with him when I told you I thought there was something wrong with the baby, weren't you?'_

'_Yeah, but baby, I came straight back!'_

'_No, you didn't Turk. Don't lie to me! I know you stopped off at that damn stall on the way back.'_

'_But baby…'_

'_No Turk. Don't you 'baby' me. Do you really think I want to be called that when I've just lost our baby? Well? Do you? ANSWER ME, TURK!'_

'_We can try for another baby, Carla. I love you and I'm sorry.'_

'_Well, you know what? I don't think I want another baby with you. Not now and not ever. And I don't accept your apology.' Izzie, waking up to the sound of her parents' raised voices, started to fuss and cry in her crib. Turk reached over to pick her up, but was stopped by Carla hitting his hand away._

'_You're not fit to be a father! You put the needs of your best friend before your wife and child. Just stay away from her! And stay away from me!'_

_Turk stood, shocked, unable to comprehend what had just happened._

'_I'm going to my sister's for a few days Turk. I'll evaluate this relationship there and see if we have a chance of ever becoming a couple again.' She picked up Izzie and stormed out. 'I'll come back for my stuff in the morning. I don't want you to be there.'_

'_I love you!' Turk called. 'Please don't go, Carla. I need you…'_

_Carla turned, her face softening slightly. 'I love you too. But don't you see? That's why I have to go.'_

'Helloooo… anybody home?' Turk snapped back to the present at the sound of his best friend's voice. 'Turk… you do know I'm here for you, don't you? If you want to talk at all… I'll be there, whatever I'm doing.'

'You don't understand what I'm going through,' Turk murmured under his breath.

'Really, Turk? Don't I?' Turk was too wrapped up in his own misery to hear the angry tone in JD's voice, so he continued his previous thought. 'Yeah… when has anything like this ever happened to you, JD?'

'When do you think, Turk!? When do you think?' Turk felt slightly guilty as he remembered.

'Dude, I'm sorry…' he began, before being cut off by his friend.

'And as I remember, the only thing you said to me then was 'Dude, that totally sucks.' You were hardly there for me at all and you did everything possible to avoid looking after me! Turk, I love you, but you make it hard to be your friend sometimes. I'm sorry about Carla and I'm trying to be here for you Turk… but…' And with that, the doctor left, leaving Turk standing alone in the hallway. He sank to the ground in utter despair. 'Maybe I'm cursed,' he muttered dully to himself. 'Why else would the only people I love leave me?'

Aww. Poor Turk. It's about to get much worse for him though! This isn't going to be a long story, probably only about two to three chapters more. And the next chapter will be longer, this is a sort of introduction… Please review, it makes me actually care about my writing 

By the way, anyone who has me on author alert and is wondering why the hell I've not updated Letters in so long… I don't think I'm going to finish it. Sorry. But if anyone does desperately want me to carry on I'll try, even though I've lost all interest in it.


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